Being a Friend

Being a Friend
Proverbs 17:17; 18:24; 27:6-9

In the next few weeks we will have two events that are important for our church. First, on September 10th we will be having our Friend Day and annual picnic. This is a great time to invite our family and friends, especially those who don’t know Jesus or have a church home. Second, on the next Sunday the 17th we will begin our home groups again. There will be sign up sheets and I want to encourage you to sign up or at least visit a few of the groups. This is a vital part of our church and important to your individual growth as a Christian.

I. Loneliness
The reason our groups are important is evident in the increasing loneliness that is plaguing our society. Recently studies have shown a decline in close friends for both men and women in the last ten years. One fourth of our nation’s households consist of just one person. Ten years ago 10% said they had no close friend or confidante. Today 25% said they had no close confidante. Another 19% said they had only one close friend they could confide in. These are amazing statistics and point to an underlying dysfunction in our society.

There are many reasons given for this but I want to focus on a couple that I think are overlooked. Sometimes people make choices that isolate themselves. A friend of mine in California works with people struggling with drug problems. One woman came to him for help and he talked with her for a short period of time. Several weeks later the police called him. She had been arrested and needed someone to take her child and he was the only person she could think of. Her drug habit had cut her off from family and friends to the point where Jon, almost a complete stranger who had shown her kindness, was the only person she could think to turn to. Sin does that to people. Addictive behavior isolates people. Other types of sin isolate people also. Pride can do it to the point where people will not ask for help or reach out to others. Fear is another isolating factor.

However, one factor that I don’t see mentioned is our desire for privacy. It has become so mandated by government we hesitate to put details of why a person is on the prayer list in the bulletin. In a sense this is a western idol related to the idol of individualism. It is what causes a person to keep others at a distance and keeps a person alone and often lonely. It is a barrier to committing to a community because commitment requires us to lower some of our barriers and our masks and allow others to know us.

II. A Church of Friends
That is the setting for our church today. We have people who come to our church looking for something and they are not sure what it is. I believe they are looking for a connection to other people and even more a connection to God.

I know that we as a church view ourselves as ‘friendly’ and we are. We work hard at greeting guests who walk through our doors and try to make them feel welcome. Yet friendliness is not enough. People can get a friendly greeting at Walmart. We are not inviting people into our fellowship to sell a product but to meet our savior, Jesus Christ. We don’t just want to be friendly but to offer friendship. How can we do that?

The first step on our part is to be open to new relationships and new people. It is wonderful that we have such great relationships with people in our congregation. There is a lot of joy in seeing a friend we have not seen in a few days. But it is very easy to see a friend and ignore the person who is not. We may feel like we have enough friends and therefore do not need to reach out to someone new. Sometimes we may feel like it isn’t worth the effort to get to know a new person. All of these attitudes keep us closed to new people in our midst. I want to encourage you to meet new people who come through our doors. This doesn’t mean they will become a close friend but then again they might. This does not mean we won’t be disappointed or even hurt by others we offer friendship to. But the Christian life is not about avoiding pain but in risking our selves for others.

The book of Proverbs gives us some wisdom when it comes to being a friend. One verse is, “A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for adversity.” (Proverbs 17:17) Friendship can be formed in all kinds of circumstances but true friendship will last through difficult and trying times. The key here is that friendship shares both good times and bad. I have had people who came into my life when they had problems and wanted me to help but then disappeared after the crisis was over. I have also had people who disappeared when I had a need. We all desire relationships that can share everything. This is why our home groups are so important. You cannot form a friendship just seeing people here on Sunday morning. Our home groups are where we pray together, talk about our joys and sorrows, and join hands to help others. If we want others to connect to our church and become a part of us then we need to invite them to our home group. If we want to connect and grow then becoming a part of a home group is necessary.

Another point from Proverbs is,
Wounds from a friend can be trusted,
but an enemy multiplies kisses.

Perfume and incense bring joy to the heart,
and the pleasantness of one's friend springs from his earnest counsel.
(Proverbs 27:6, 9)

Sometimes people think friendship is just ignoring things that are wrong in a person’s life. The writer of Proverbs doesn’t see it that way. Instead true friendship makes a person better. We see that in a good marriage. Diane has made me a better person because she has helped me recognize and deal with weaknesses in my life. There are things she overlooks because she is my friend and she does love me but her gentle rebukes and insights have helped me for over 35 years. I hope that I have done the same thing for her. The friendship we offer people is acceptance and love but also a desire to see them become what God desires them to be.

This is not an easy thing to do. Not everyone wants that kind of friendship. People rejected Jesus’ friendship and they will reject ours also. But there are many people who are looking not just for a connection to other people but a connection to God. We need to remember we are not a social club or a service club or a self-help club. We are people of God whose desire and task is to introduce people to our Lord Jesus Christ and to know God. That task is well defined by Jesus in his commission to Saul,
“’I'm sending you off to open the eyes of the outsiders so they can see the difference between dark and light, and choose light, see the difference between Satan and God, and choose God. I'm sending you off to present my offer of sins forgiven, and a place in the family, inviting them into the company of those who begin real living by believing in me.’”
THE MESSAGE)

This week look around you. Who can you invite to Friend Day? Take several invitations on the way out this morning, pray over those invitations and give them out. Let’s pray for our neighbors and friends so that we can introduce them to the greatest friend we have, Jesus.

Livonia Church of Christ: August 27, 2006