The Faith Full Family:
The Idol of Selfishness
Luke 12:13-15
Introduction: We have had several newborns come into our family in the last few months. What a joy that is to see those babies in church and their proud parents. We love babies but there is one thing we know about babies, they are selfish and as a result the parents’ lives come to revolve around the baby and his or her needs. Selfishness is an infantile characteristic described by that maxim, “I want what I want when I want it.” We all started life in the same place but maturity is growing beyond the infantile selfishness that we begin with.
On Sunday, June 13, 2004, Matt Starr was at Ameriquest Field in Arlington, Texas, watching the home team Rangers take on the St. Louis Cardinals. When a foul ball was hit toward where he was sitting, the 28-year-old landscaper leapt over the seat in front of him. Even though the ball had landed at the feet of 4-year-old Nicholas O'Brien, Starr knocked the boy against the seats and pounced on the ball. The boy's mother, insulted by the aggressive behavior, swatted him with her program, while fans chanted, "Give the boy the ball." But, clutching the ball to himself, Starr returned to his seat unwilling to part with his new souvenir.[1]
I. A Selfish Culture
It is pretty easy to see selfishness in others but much more difficult to see it in ourselves. We look at actors who play selfish, self-centered characters such as Bill Murray in “Ground Hog Day” or “Scrooged”. We laugh at such characters and their foolish choices but we also see ourselves in them.
In essence selfishness is putting our needs, wants and desires ahead of everyone else. We live in a paradoxical society where we see acts of generosity alongside acts of greed and selfishness. The corruption story of the week concerned Katrina government relief where people used relief funds for gambling and strip clubs. Compare that to the giving of private organizations that continue to provide for the needs of those who lost everything.
Why are people selfish? I don’t know if we can always answer that question. I believe one factor is that we believe we will become less if we don’t get what we want. Sometimes people feel like their life is over when they don’t get their way. The man who asked Jesus to arbitrate the inheritance with his brother made this mistake. Jesus said, "Watch out! Be on your guard against all kinds of greed; a man's life does not consist in the abundance of his possessions." (Lk 12:15). The same could probably be said of the prodigal son who demands his inheritance from his father in Luke 15. The selfish person thinks only of himself until everything is lost.
Of course it is easy to find examples of selfishness “out there” but the focus of my lessons is our homes and our families. In one sense selfishness is an individual idol, not a family one. And yet, it is a family idol, one that often gets passed from one generation to the next. A story I read described a man explaining why he wouldn’t marry a woman he was dating- she just wouldn’t make him happy. The man listening then wrote this,
“Finally I interrupted and asked, "What kind of wife would make you happy?" The more he described what he was looking for in a wife, the more convinced I became that what he really needed was not a wife. He needed a goldfish, the pretty kind with the long tail that floats around, or maybe a Golden Retriever—but even a dog will make demands on you emotionally. A goldfish, though, just sits there and looks pretty and doesn't ask you to communicate. It doesn't ask you how your day was or expect you to listen to how its day was. The last thing he needed was a wife, because his whole understanding of why the world existed was to meet his needs.”[2]
Men often are painted with the brush of selfishness and we probably deserve it. But the push in our society to look out for your own happiness, to look out for your own needs, is not just a male weakness. Both men and women have walked away from years of marriage and all its promises, obligations, and responsibilities in order to find that elusive bird of happiness, ‘If a person, a marriage is not meeting your needs then walk away, be true to yourself.’
As parents we see and understand that children come into the world selfish and part of our task is to help them move beyond the narrow world of self because a selfish person is a lonely person. When we read the story of the Prodigal Son (Luke 15) we see the end result of selfishness is a life cut off from everything good. Even if the young man had not lost his fortune the result would have been the same, a life cut off from meaningful relationships and love.
We fight, we scrap, we do everything we can to get our own way, to impose our will, to win. The result is what James described, “But if you harbor bitter envy and selfish ambition in your hearts, do not boast about it or deny the truth. Such ‘wisdom’ does not come down from heaven but is earthly, unspiritual, of the devil. For where you have envy and selfish ambition, there you find disorder and every evil practice,” James 3:14-16. It is the life we see around us every day and it is life that is filled with unhappy, lonely, dissatisfied people.
II. A Different Way
As pervasive as selfishness is in our society and in ourselves, it is difficult to see how we can cast out this particular idol. Some religions teach followers denial of desire, to treat the body with harshness. But Jesus showed us a different way when he said, "If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross and follow me. For whoever wants to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for me will find it,” Matthew 16:24-25. This is the exact opposite of what our instincts tell us.
Jesus tells us if we live selfishly we will lose. One writer put it this way,
“If we look at our life as some precious treasure we must hoard, the demands made by others of our life are like losses. And death is a final loss, a final failure to hold on to our life. But if we look at our life as a treasure we must share, every service we give to others is a fulfillment of our life's purpose. And death is the final giving, the total giving.”[3]
Jesus understood that this was the biggest obstacle to people following him. Life is not made up of possessions, of getting our way. That is true whether it is big things or small, a selfish life causes us to fill our stomachs with husks so we starve to death with full bellies.
It is not just that we give, but to whom we give. You have probably given yourself to something or someone and come away disappointed. Jesus is the only one who promises you that you will find what you desire when you give yourself to him. He is the only one that can keep that promise.
Livonia Church of Christ: February 19, 2006
[1] Greg Asimakoupoulos, Naperville, Illinois; source: Matt Curry, "Man Will Give Foul Ball to Boy Who He Knocked Aside, AP Sports
[2] Craig Barnes, from the sermon "Learning to Speak Multiculturally," National Presbyterian Church, Washington, D.C., (10-3-99)
[3] Edicio de la Torre, Leadership, Vol. 7, no. 4.
Monday, February 20, 2006
Sunday, February 05, 2006
Sermon for February 5, 2006
The Faith Full Family:
The Idol of Anger
1 Corinthians 13:4-7
Introduction: I don’t know how many of you are or were comic book fans in your life. I was when I was a young person and when I was a teenager a lot of great comic book characters came into being. Spiderman, the X-Men, and the Hulk are several that have become cultural icons to a certain extent now that movies are being made about them. The Hulk always fascinated me as well as many others. For those that don’t know the Hulk is a man who was exposed to some strange radiation and when ever he becomes angry he grows into this incredibly strong green monster. You don’t mess with the Hulk and you don’t want to make his human alter ego, Bruce Banner angry.
Today as we examine anger as an idol it is important to note that we all have experienced anger. It is an emotion that is human and universal. It is not so much that anger itself is an idol as it is what we do with anger and what it becomes to us is the idol.
I. Looking at Anger
Anger grows out of many different causes. It can arise out of jealousy and envy as it did with Cain and led to Abel’s murder. People can get angry when they are afraid and so sometimes someone who has been abused can turn from fear and cowering to do some amazing and terrible things. People get angry when they are wrong, when they have been wronged, when they see wrong and injustice. Anger can come from selfishness when we don’t get our way.
Anger, as an emotion, does things to our body. When we are angry our senses become sharper, our tolerance of pain become greater. A person can do physical things requiring strength that they could not do otherwise. It not only does things to our bodies and minds it does things to other people. When we are confronted with an angry person we will try to get out of the way, give in to their demands. With all of this in mind it is easy to see why people can become addicted to anger. It is physically addictive, many people feel more alive and in control when they are angry and it is psychologically addictive, we find we can get our way, control people with our anger. Since we all get angry sometimes we learn strategies for dealing with it.
II. Anger in the Family
The idol that we really want to look at today is anger in the family. In one sense the idol is not anger itself. Anger is sometimes called a secondary emotion; that is, it is almost always in reaction to something else. Anger is inevitable in a fallen world that hurts and disappoints us. What we do with our anger, how we handle our anger determines whether it becomes an idol or not. Can anger keep a family from following God? Yes, and it can hinder the growth and development of family members in the ways of God.
Anger appears early in scripture in the story of Cain and Abel (Genesis 4:5-7) but we see it in many forms and in many people. Even meek, godly people like Moses become angry (Exodus 32:19). God is described as becoming angry, sometimes very angry with his people. So from that standpoint we know anger in and of itself is not sinful. But anger is a powerful emotion that can come upon us suddenly and can lead us to words and actions that we can regret.
It seems we have an anger problem in our society and in our families. It is easy to pick on men because I think we often struggle with anger. The difficulty is that violence seems to have become more acceptable in our society as an outlet to anger. We hear more about violence against women in domestic settings. There are disturbing images of violence against children, the aged, and innocent by-standers. It is not just happening “out there” either; levels of domestic violence among church people happen all too frequently. And anger is often at the heart of the violence.
As I consider this whole issue of anger and violence I believe that much of it comes back to the decline of self-control in our society. Hedonistic self-fulfillment has become the value by which many, including some Christians, live their lives. We are told we really can’t control our sexual appetites and really don’t need to. Why should I deny myself luxuries today when credit is so easily available? Such attitudes are easy to carry over to other over whelming emotions like anger. Of course people can be very controlled when the police are present. That fact points to the fallacy of this type of thinking and living. We can and do control our emotions and appetites when we want to. A man or woman may come home after a bad day at work and abuse their spouse but they controlled their anger in front of the boss.
III. Anger and Idolatry
Paul helps us to see a biblical view of anger when he writes, "In your anger do not sin," Ephesians 4:26. The implication is that we can be angry and it not be idolatrous. The idolatrous aspect of anger is what we do with that anger. It becomes an idol when our goal becomes revenge and payback. We see this when an argument or insult becomes a death sentence and a person is killed. Someone hurts and we want to hurt them back, with interest. Paul’s command to not sin when we are angry is difficult if not impossible when we act out of anger.
Peter gives us the example of Jesus who had every right to be angry with those who were hurting him and would eventually kill him. But Jesus knew something we often overlook, only God can ‘payback’ with any justice, “When they hurled their insults at him, he did not retaliate; when he suffered, he made no threats. Instead, he entrusted himself to him who judges justly,” 1 Peter 2:23. One idol associated with anger that we need to cast out is the desire for vengeance. Paul wrote, “Bless those who persecute you; bless and do not curse,” Romans 12:14. It is only by yielding to the Spirit and allowing the Spirit’s fruit of self-control to be born in our lives that we are able to act in this way.
But we are not talking about enemies here but family. Paul wrote these words, “Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs,” 1 Corinthians 13:4-5.
I don’t get angry with Diane very often. There were times early in our marriage where I did become angry but the difference now is that my love for her has grown and become more what Paul described in these verses. Paul is directing these words not just at husbands and wives but also at the church. When people live and work together anger is going to erupt at times. It is inevitable. Sometimes the anger has good cause, sometimes not but the result of anger should be blessing and not cursing. The rest of Paul’s words in Ephesians are, "’In your anger do not sin’: Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry, and do not give the devil a foothold,” Ephesians 4:26-27. Holding on to anger is more dangerous that we can imagine. Anger may make us feel powerful, it may get us what we think we want but in the end only the devil wins. Choose whom you will serve but if you choose the Lord then examine your heart, scrutinize your life and cast out the idols that keep you from following the Lord.
Livonia Church of Christ: February 5, 2006
The Idol of Anger
1 Corinthians 13:4-7
Introduction: I don’t know how many of you are or were comic book fans in your life. I was when I was a young person and when I was a teenager a lot of great comic book characters came into being. Spiderman, the X-Men, and the Hulk are several that have become cultural icons to a certain extent now that movies are being made about them. The Hulk always fascinated me as well as many others. For those that don’t know the Hulk is a man who was exposed to some strange radiation and when ever he becomes angry he grows into this incredibly strong green monster. You don’t mess with the Hulk and you don’t want to make his human alter ego, Bruce Banner angry.
Today as we examine anger as an idol it is important to note that we all have experienced anger. It is an emotion that is human and universal. It is not so much that anger itself is an idol as it is what we do with anger and what it becomes to us is the idol.
I. Looking at Anger
Anger grows out of many different causes. It can arise out of jealousy and envy as it did with Cain and led to Abel’s murder. People can get angry when they are afraid and so sometimes someone who has been abused can turn from fear and cowering to do some amazing and terrible things. People get angry when they are wrong, when they have been wronged, when they see wrong and injustice. Anger can come from selfishness when we don’t get our way.
Anger, as an emotion, does things to our body. When we are angry our senses become sharper, our tolerance of pain become greater. A person can do physical things requiring strength that they could not do otherwise. It not only does things to our bodies and minds it does things to other people. When we are confronted with an angry person we will try to get out of the way, give in to their demands. With all of this in mind it is easy to see why people can become addicted to anger. It is physically addictive, many people feel more alive and in control when they are angry and it is psychologically addictive, we find we can get our way, control people with our anger. Since we all get angry sometimes we learn strategies for dealing with it.
II. Anger in the Family
The idol that we really want to look at today is anger in the family. In one sense the idol is not anger itself. Anger is sometimes called a secondary emotion; that is, it is almost always in reaction to something else. Anger is inevitable in a fallen world that hurts and disappoints us. What we do with our anger, how we handle our anger determines whether it becomes an idol or not. Can anger keep a family from following God? Yes, and it can hinder the growth and development of family members in the ways of God.
Anger appears early in scripture in the story of Cain and Abel (Genesis 4:5-7) but we see it in many forms and in many people. Even meek, godly people like Moses become angry (Exodus 32:19). God is described as becoming angry, sometimes very angry with his people. So from that standpoint we know anger in and of itself is not sinful. But anger is a powerful emotion that can come upon us suddenly and can lead us to words and actions that we can regret.
It seems we have an anger problem in our society and in our families. It is easy to pick on men because I think we often struggle with anger. The difficulty is that violence seems to have become more acceptable in our society as an outlet to anger. We hear more about violence against women in domestic settings. There are disturbing images of violence against children, the aged, and innocent by-standers. It is not just happening “out there” either; levels of domestic violence among church people happen all too frequently. And anger is often at the heart of the violence.
As I consider this whole issue of anger and violence I believe that much of it comes back to the decline of self-control in our society. Hedonistic self-fulfillment has become the value by which many, including some Christians, live their lives. We are told we really can’t control our sexual appetites and really don’t need to. Why should I deny myself luxuries today when credit is so easily available? Such attitudes are easy to carry over to other over whelming emotions like anger. Of course people can be very controlled when the police are present. That fact points to the fallacy of this type of thinking and living. We can and do control our emotions and appetites when we want to. A man or woman may come home after a bad day at work and abuse their spouse but they controlled their anger in front of the boss.
III. Anger and Idolatry
Paul helps us to see a biblical view of anger when he writes, "In your anger do not sin," Ephesians 4:26. The implication is that we can be angry and it not be idolatrous. The idolatrous aspect of anger is what we do with that anger. It becomes an idol when our goal becomes revenge and payback. We see this when an argument or insult becomes a death sentence and a person is killed. Someone hurts and we want to hurt them back, with interest. Paul’s command to not sin when we are angry is difficult if not impossible when we act out of anger.
Peter gives us the example of Jesus who had every right to be angry with those who were hurting him and would eventually kill him. But Jesus knew something we often overlook, only God can ‘payback’ with any justice, “When they hurled their insults at him, he did not retaliate; when he suffered, he made no threats. Instead, he entrusted himself to him who judges justly,” 1 Peter 2:23. One idol associated with anger that we need to cast out is the desire for vengeance. Paul wrote, “Bless those who persecute you; bless and do not curse,” Romans 12:14. It is only by yielding to the Spirit and allowing the Spirit’s fruit of self-control to be born in our lives that we are able to act in this way.
But we are not talking about enemies here but family. Paul wrote these words, “Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs,” 1 Corinthians 13:4-5.
I don’t get angry with Diane very often. There were times early in our marriage where I did become angry but the difference now is that my love for her has grown and become more what Paul described in these verses. Paul is directing these words not just at husbands and wives but also at the church. When people live and work together anger is going to erupt at times. It is inevitable. Sometimes the anger has good cause, sometimes not but the result of anger should be blessing and not cursing. The rest of Paul’s words in Ephesians are, "’In your anger do not sin’: Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry, and do not give the devil a foothold,” Ephesians 4:26-27. Holding on to anger is more dangerous that we can imagine. Anger may make us feel powerful, it may get us what we think we want but in the end only the devil wins. Choose whom you will serve but if you choose the Lord then examine your heart, scrutinize your life and cast out the idols that keep you from following the Lord.
Livonia Church of Christ: February 5, 2006
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